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What about Bob? Two Kind of Madness

samuel kee —  May 21, 2013 — Leave a comment

washedI love the 1991 movie What about Bob? staring Bill Murray and Richard Dreyfuss.  On the surface, it’s about a guy named Bob Wiley, who has obsessive compulsive disorder (among other things).  As the movie begins, we’re to think that Bob is “crazy.”  This being the case, he seeks professional help from Dr. Leo Marvin, a noted psychiatrist (played by Richard Dreyfuss).  Leo seems to be the picture of mental and emotional sanity.  In fact, he just wrote a soon-to-be bestselling book called Baby Steps, a work so significant that he is going to be interviewed by Good Morning America at his vacation home.  Along comes Bob, to interfere with his life.

Bob is afraid of death, which is what drives him to obsessive behaviors.  He is afraid that his heart might suddenly stop beating or—as he puts it—his bladder will explode.  He is paralyzed by fear, to the point that he is terrified of elevators, busses, water, or any public place.  It seems that his fear of death is the thing that’s causing him to be “insane.”

But Bob is not the only insane one in the movie.  Bob is afraid of death, but so is Leo.  However, Leo’s tremendous fear of death expresses itself differently.  While Bob seeks to deny his own death by controlling and cleaning everything, Leo seeks to deny his own death by becoming immortal.  Have you ever noticed that about the movie?  It’s really not a movie that’s just about Bob—what about Leo?  Leo is just as fearful as Bob is.  Leo is just as crazy as Bob is.  Leo has an overblown ego and longs to be on par with Sigmund Freud.  Leo wants to be world-renown, legendary, and a household name.  How does Leo cope with the thought of his own mortality?  By becoming immortal, having a name that goes on forever in the history books.  Bob has his coping mechanisms, but so does Leo.

The movie is really asking us to identify with either Bob or Leo.  We all, along with Bob and Leo, have something in common: the fear of death.  Ernest Becker’s 1974 book Denial of Death, helps us to understand this.  Becker argues that human personality is shaped by one’s own method of denying the fact that you’re going to die.  Everyone is afraid of death; everyone seeks to suppress his or her own mortality.  We can’t stand the fact that we’re just “fancy worm food.”  No human should have to live with the knowledge that one day, slimy, defecating worms will win.  That’s madness.  The more you meditate on that fact alone, the more that it’ll drive you insane.  Humans seem so strong and so dignified, yet, not matter who you are, in the end, the worms win.

That’s what Bob knew, which is what makes him not so crazy after all.  In fact, by the end of the movie, Bob is the sane one and someone else takes his spot in insanity—Dr. Leo Marvin.  By recognizing his own mortality, not hiding from it, but laying it out on the table, Bob is healed.  By denying his mortality, Leo goes insane.  The movie is making a powerful statement, isn’t it?  Those who are humble and own up to their own creatureliness will be saved; but those who are arrogant and persist in narcissism will be lost.  (Those who seek to be like God will be kicked out of Paradise!)

But there’s another reason why Leo goes crazy and Bob finds health.  From the first moment of the movie, Bob seeks help for his problems.  Leo does not.  Leo seeks fame; Leo seeks escape; Leo seeks only those things that will add to his resume.  He doesn’t want to help anyone, but himself.  At the same time, Bob confesses his struggles, seeks help from those around him, and doesn’t stop finding ways to help those who are in need.  Again, Bob finds help and Leo goes insane.

The fastest way to madness is to make this world all about you.  That’s what we learn from Bob and Leo.  The route to healing is to confess your shortcomings and seek help from outside yourself.  By the end of the movie, not only has Leo’s narcissism caused him to become mad, but also, it caused him to blow up his own house.  Bob’s behavior, on the other hand, led him to emotional health, a wedding, and a successful career.

Some people say that faith is just another coping mechanism; they say that God is a crutch.  But this is simply not true.  A coping mechanism is something that you do to deal with your fears by hiding them (denying them).  So you drink, shop, seek fame, seek pleasure, seek control, and so forth, as a way of denying your death.  You hide your fears with the help of the coping mechanism.  Coping mechanisms are used to ward off the worms.  But this is ridiculous, because nothing within our own resources can make death go away.  Who are we fooling?

Faith, on the other hand, hides nothing!  Faith actually requires the opposite.  To have faith is to be honest and express the truth about yourself.  Faith gets it all out into the open.  So you confess that you are just fancy worm food; you own up to the fact that you don’t have what it takes; you recognize that you’ve fallen short; you don’t deny that you’re scared, hurt, lonely, and lacking.  To have faith is to be authentic with yourself and others.  Most of all, to have faith is to seek help from outside of yourself, something that coping mechanisms will not allow.  Coping mechanisms depend on individual strategy and self-maintenance.  Faith says, “I don’t have what it takes and I need help.”  Like Bob, faith depends on the resources that come from outside the self.  Or you could say that atheism is proud and faith is humble.

Just read the Psalms in the Bible sometime.  The Psalms are brutally honest about life.  “I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity” (Psalm 32:5).  “Darkness is my closest friend” (Psalm 88:18).  “Be gracious to me, O God, for man tramples on me; all day long an attacker oppresses me; my enemies trample on me all day long” (Psalm 56:1-2).  “What is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him?” (Psalm 8:4).  Scriptures like these feel real to us, don’t they?  They express how we often feel, they hide nothing.  They know me.

The one who has faith makes the pivotal turn: he rolls his fears over onto God.  He seeks help from outside of himself and from outside the dismal human condition.

In order to regain your sanity, you have to become like Bob.  You have to lose your life in order to find it.  One of the most healing things that you can do is truly to experience your anxieties and fears and then give them over to the Lord.

Just to focus on your problems and not on the Lord (and get help from outside of yourself) is “depression.”  Just to focus on the Lord and not acknowledge your problems is “denial.”  To roll one over onto the other is “faith.”

There’s a kind of madness that leads to life and a kind of madness that doesn’t.

© Samuel Kee, 2013

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Is the Bible Reliable or Is It More Like a Fairytale?

samuel kee —  May 12, 2013 — Leave a comment

 

This is "Papyrus 52," containing the gospel of John

This is “Papyrus 52,” containing the gospel of John

Over the last four posts, we’ve been discussing the question, “Can I take the Bible seriously?”  In order to come to a conclusion, we’ve been discussing five questions, the final one having to do with how to evaluate an ancient book.  In the last post, we discussed the authenticity of the Bible.  In this post, we’ll examine the reliability of the Bible.  Specifically, we’ll answer the question, “is the Bible just a fairytale?”  After all, the claims of the New Testament seem too good to be true, extravagant, etc.  Can the claims of the New Testament be trusted?  By using the Historical Research Method, we’ll seek to discover if the New Testament is a reliable ancient manuscript. 

There are three “checks” we’ll use to discern the reliability of the New Testament: internal consistency, external consistency, and other supportive evidences.

Check 1: Internal consistency

There are three things to look for to check the internal consistency of an ancient manuscript.  First, check to see if the author of a particular book in the Bible is consistent with himself.  Make sure that he does not contradict himself within the same book or in another book that he has written, i.e., make sure John does not contradict what he writes in John with what he writes in Revelation.

Second, check to see if the various eyewitnesses are consistent with each other, making sure that one biblical book does not contradict another.  In claiming that two books contradict each other, one is asserting that there is no possible/logical way for the two books to make sense together.  The writings of the apostle Paul are consistent with the writings of the apostle Peter, in other words.

Third, determine the amount and quality of claims an event has.  As far as the NT goes, the more witnesses there are to an event, the more credible it is.  For instance, the gospels provide four accounts to the life and events of Jesus’ life.  Such evidence bolsters the case for Christ.  In addition to these four accounts, books such as Acts, Paul’s letters, and Hebrews through Revelation also testify of Jesus.  Furthermore, this testimony is internally consistent.

In sum, the writings of the New Testament do not show any signs of fabrication or legendary development.  They are consistent and contain a coherent message.

Check 2: External consistency

In order to test for external consistency, we’ll look at five components.

First, there are ancient historians who testify to Jesus’ life and the events of the New Testament.  When we crack open the history books, do we find historians that refer to biblical characters?  Yes!  Josephus, who was not a Christian, references to the deaths of John the Baptist and James, the relative of Jesus.  Even more, Josephus writes about Jesus:

“At this time there was a wise man who was called Jesus.  His conduct was good, and [he] was known to be virtuous.  And many people from among the Jews and other nations became his disciples.  Pilate condemned him to be crucified and to die.  But those who had become his disciples did not abandon his discipleship.  They reported that he had appeared to them three days after his crucifixion, and that he was alive; accordingly he was perhaps the Messiah, concerning whom the prophets have recounted wonders” (from “Testimonium” by Agapius, as found in Dictionary of Jesus and the Gospels, Scott, p. 394).

Second, there are church authorities who testify to the life of Jesus.  These early church founders provide external evidence of Jesus’ life when they write about biblical events in their works.  For example, certain church fathers make reference to the fact that they actually knew a disciple of Jesus (Polycarp knew John).

Third, archaeology confirms the biblical record, over and over again.  For instance, modern archaeology has excavated the house of Peter, the synagogue build by the centurion in Luke 7, and a first century church in Capernaum.  Further, in 1992, the burial grounds of Caiaphas, the Jewish high priest mentioned in John, and his family were found buried in Jerusalem.

Fourth, the strategy for using eyewitnesses is consistent with other ancient writings.  Richard Bauckham’s book Jesus and the Eyewitnesses describes how history was written in ancient times.  Unlike today, history in New Testament times was written from eyewitness accounts.  Today, we’re comfortable relying on second, third, and fourth hand accounts.  But ancient people did not write history this way.  They did their research by utilizing first (and maybe second) hand witnesses.  You had to have seen the event in order to be a reliable witness.  Then, when the historian was recording the event, he would mention the name of a witness as a way of supporting his claim.  The names mentioned in Scripture, such as Rufus, Simon, and Tabitha, were the names of real first hand witnesses, who could be called up on at any time to verify the claims.  That’s why their names were mentioned by the New Testament writers.  Their names were like modern day “footnotes.”  If anyone reading one of the New Testament books questioned the claims, then one of the “footnotes” could be personally consulted.  That was the purpose of mentioning the names of the eyewitnesses.  In addition, when it comes to the New Testament, females witnesses were used when supporting the claims of the resurrection.  Since female testimony held no authority in a court of law, it is highly unlikely that the gospel writers “made up” their stories.  Were they wanting to convince their readers that the resurrection were true, then they would have “made up” male witnesses, whose testimony was considered credible in ancient times.  The only reason that female witnesses were used, therefore, is because that’s exactly the way it happened: Jesus rose from the dead and some females were the first witnesses of it.  That is not the mark of a legend or a myth, but of real history.

Fifth, the New Testament books do not contain the marks of typical ancient fiction (legends or myths), and this is a sure indication that they are not works of fiction.  Many scholars have noted the vast difference between the New Testament accounts and the accounts of ancient fiction.  Ancient fiction did not use detail, as the New Testament does.  In the New Testament, we’re told many details within the writing.  For instance, we learn in John 21 that 153 fish were caught.  We learn specific hours of the day when event happened.  We learn locations and professions, etc.  Works of legend or myth do not provide this kind of detail—nowhere in ancient fiction do you find the kind of detail that is given in the New Testament.  This can only mean that the New Testament is not a work of fiction or legend, but of truth.  Again, the New Testament does not have the marks of a legend or myth, which develops centuries after the lives of the people concerned, in order to fool the ignorant reader.  The New Testament is not written to fool anyone, but through its use of eyewitnesses and historical, geographical, and social detail, seeks to bolster the reader’s confidence in the reliability of the claims and the events behind them.  The New Testament is completely vulnerable and honest, often including details that make its heroes (Jesus and the disciples) look like weaklings or fools, rather than compromise the truth.  This can only be because the New Testament writers were not interested in creating a legend, but communicating the truth.  An honest reading of the New Testament will convince you of this.  It has nothing to hide.

Check 3: Other supportive evidence

In our final check, we’ll look at other supportive evidences: the uniqueness of Scripture, the affect that Scripture has on people’s lives, and the predictive power of Scripture.  Each of these evidences further builds the reliability of the Bible (along with the other checks, of course).

First, the uniqueness of Scripture is another evidence of its reliability.  Even though there are many biblical authors over thousands of years, the testimony of the Bible remains uniform: how to get sinners into a relationship with a Holy God.

Second, the affect that Scripture has on people’s lives is quite astounding.  The disciples and many Christians after them have been transformed by the Bible.  Christians have had an unwavering witness of God’s word, even to death.

Third, the predictive power of the Bible is another evidence.  Just consider the Messianic prophecies, alone.  There are about 300 Old Testament predictions that were literally fulfilled in the life of Jesus Christ.  These OT writings point to Jesus, the great Treasure of the Bible. 

  • Born of a woman (Gen 3:15; Gal 4:4)
  • Born of a virgin (Isa 7:14; Matt 1:18-25)
  • Descendant of Abraham (Gen 12:1-3; Matt 1:1)
  • From the tribe of Judah (Gen 49:10; Lk 2:23, 33)
  • Of the house of David (2 Sam 7:12; Matt 1:1)
  • Born in Bethlehem (Micah 5:2; Matt 2:1)
  • Time of his appearance and death (Dan 9:24-27; Lk 19:44)
  • Betrayal price (Zech 11:12-13; Matt 26:15)
  • Isa 52:13-53:12 (written 700 years before Jesus’ birth) speaks of the suffering servant, who would be sinless, a substitute, scourged, pierced through, placed in a rich man’s grave, lifted up after death, and exalted.

Other passages in the Bible predict these things about the Messiah:

  • Abandoned by his disciples
  • Silent before his accusers
  • Beaten and spat upon
  • Mocked
  • Hands and feet pierced
  • Crucified with transgressors
  • Lots cast for his garments
  • Cry from the cross
  • No bones broken
  • Pierced in his side
  • Ascension into heaven
  • Seated at the right hand of God

Other remarkable OT prophecies include details about the overthrow of Nineveh, Babylon, Ammon and Moab, Philistia, Edom, Memphis and Thebes, and Palestine.  It is safe to say that no other book ever written has this kind of prophetic power.

Is It For Me?

This brings us to our final question of the Historical Research Method—a personal one.  You might not think that it’s appropriate to introduce a personal question within a scientific framework.  But for our purposes, I believe it is.  The nature of the Bible demands this question.  Any piece of literature seeks to communicate and the Bible is no different.  However, the Bible is different in that it claims to communicate the very words of God.  As I’ve written before, the Bible is the word of God in the words of humans.  God wants to say something to us: he loves us and has forgiven us.

Jesus believed the biblical texts to be the truth (John 17:17, “Your word is truth.”).  Paul claims that all scripture is God-breathed (2 Timothy 3:16-17).  As we have discovered through the Historical Research Method, the case for the truthfulness of the Bible has become strong.  The Bible is a book to be trusted.  We are to build our lives on it, rather than on the foundations that will crumble like sand (Matthew 7:24-27).  If this Bible is true and accurate, then we must consider what it has to say.  We would be foolish to ignore it.

The Bible claims that all humans have sinned and cannot be in a relationship with a perfect God by their own efforts.  The Bible claims that Jesus lived a perfect life, died unfairly for us sinners, and rose from the grave triumphantly.  He bore the punishment for our wrongs.  The Bible claims that if we believe in him, abandoning our lives to the cause of Christ and to his eternal glory, then we will be raised with Christ at the last day.  The Bible also warns those who do not give their lives to him of the judgment that is theirs.  Both blessing and warning come from the same book, and this book is true.

Is this book for you?  Perhaps your heart already knows the answer.  Start with the resurrection of Jesus and discover the compelling claims of Scripture.  Scripture makes plain what our consciences remind us of every day: there is no hope within this world (alone) and we need a Savior.  The Bible contains the solution that we have been longing to find.

© Samuel Kee, 2013

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Where Was God? // Episode 4 // His Death

samuel kee —  February 2, 2013 — Leave a comment

where was God logo episode 4 his deathIn this fourth episode of our series “Where Was God?” we look at the main battle that Jesus was engaged in.  Because he was fighting for us, he could not fight for himself.  Even when it seems like life is hard for us, we have to realize that his work is infinitely harder than our own.  He is a part of the much bigger struggle.  

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Jesus, E.T., and Me

samuel kee —  January 28, 2013 — Leave a comment

E.T. and ElliotRemember the movie E.T.?  I remember seeing it in the theaters when it was released in 1982—and it scared me to death!  The story is of a little boy who helps an alien to return to his home planet.  Along the way, we learn of the special bond that E.T. forms with the boy Elliot.  The two entrain to each other, so that what the one feels, so does the other.  When E.T. is hurt, Elliot is hurt.  When E.T. gets sick, then Elliot gets sick.  Somehow, the bodies of the two are as one, so that the experience of the one becomes the experience of the other.  When E.T. is dying, Elliot is dying.

There’s a profound truth here for those who are invaded by the alien Jesus.  Jesus came to us from another world in order to rescue us from ours; he does it by absorbing our life into his.  The Bible uses a special “formula” for referring to the relationship that believers have with Jesus.  Over and over again, it says that they’re “in Christ.”  That’s the basic formula, though it has other derivations, such as “with Christ” or “with him.” 

The purpose of the “in Christ” formula is to demonstrate that whatever happens to Jesus, happens to me—kind of like with E.T. and Elliot.  We are entrained with Jesus Christ, sent to our world from God.  The experiences of Jesus become the experiences of those who are “in Christ.” 

Let me give you a few examples from Scripture.  One of the clearest examples is found in Colossians 3:1-4; here it is with the formula in italics:

If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.  Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on the earth.  For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.  When Christ, who is your life appears, then you also with appear with him in glory.

It’s hard to miss the boldness of these statements, which are either lunacy or the deepest truths our hearts could ever long for.  First, we’re told that when Jesus was raised from the dead, so were we.  “If you then have been raised with Christ…”  When Jesus rose from the dead, somehow, we did, too.  Then we’re told, “for you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ.”  This verse tells us that we have died, can you believe that!  When did we die?  We died when Jesus died, on the cross some 2,000 years ago.  How did that happen?  God hid our lives with Jesus, so that when he died, we died, too.  Then we’re given a magnificent vision of our future life, when we’re told, “When Christ, who is your life appears, then you with also appear with him in glory.”  Christ is your life, so just as sure as he has returned in glory on the last day to reign on earth, so have we.  Our lives are eternally united with his.

While I’ll only quote the passage from Colossians, know that the Apostle Paul, who wrote much of the New Testament, uses the “in Christ” formula (and its derivations) over 215 times.  From everything to suffering with Christ to inheriting with Christ, believers in Jesus are in insoluble union with him.  What happens to him, happens to us, his experiences become our experiences.  When he was punished on the cross for sins, so were we.  The implications of this are staggering: I have already faced judgment, leaving no more future judgment for me.  I have already been judged with Christ, died with Christ, raised with Christ, and so much more.  We are in solidarity with each other.  That is why Paul is able to write in Romans 8:1, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”  Who condemns you?  God surely doesn’t, if you’re in Christ!  

But being “in Christ” is far greater than being “in E.T.,” for our bond with Jesus will never be severed.  He’ll not fly away to another planet, leaving us back in our sickness and sin.  Rather, he remains with us in the Person of the Holy Spirit, who daily drives us deeper into our union with God.

There’s no more profound reality that you could experience than this mystical union with Jesus Christ.  Only in Christ will you truly find yourself; there is infinite treasure hidden there for you. 

(Credit goes to my friend Robbie Kellogg for thinking of the E.T. analogy!)

© Samuel Kee, 2013

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Where Was God? // Episode 1 // The Incarnation

samuel kee —  January 10, 2013 — 2 Comments

where was God episode 1We’re beginning a new video series called “Where Was God?” It’s meant to help us reconcile the existence of suffering with the belief in God. In this first of eight episodes, we look at the Incarnation of Jesus Christ in order to discover the lengths he went to be with us and to be one of us.

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Your Best New Year’s Resolution

samuel kee —  January 3, 2013 — Leave a comment

5995What is the best New Year’s resolution that you can make this year?  I think I’ve got the answer, at least let me know what you think.  I think the best resolution that we can make this year has nothing to do with getting better, but getting worse.

What am I talking about?  I am talking about the resolution to stop trying to impress everyone.  Stop trying to make yourself look better, but strive to be worse than you were last year.

You think I’m kidding?  I’m not!  We spend so much of our energy trying to “earn favor” and it’s killing us.  We want to be better than the next chum, sexier than most women, more successful than the average guy.

Now, I’m not saying we should be idle slobs; being one of those is not your divine calling.  We ought to set goals, work very hard, and be all that we can be—but not to impress!

Our best New Year’s resolution would be to find the kind of salvation that saves us from ourselves.  We usually want salvation from our vices, our hang-ups and habits, and so forth.  But what we really need is to be saved from our incessant desire to impress.  In spiritual terms, we don’t just need to repent of our sins, but also of our good deeds.

We need to get worse at hoisting up our own righteousness, in our dizzying efforts to impress God or other people.  A lot of our New Year’s resolutions have self-righteousness at their core; and all through the year it will eat away at us from the inside.  What can I do to be more acceptable?  How can I get God to love me?  What will it take for these people to love me?  How can I get more worth and favor in their eyes?  Our hearts are a factory of self-justification and righteousness.  We’re constantly trying to justify our existence in the eyes of men and God.  “Maybe if I can achieve this _______________ (fill in the blank), then I’ll be worth keeping around.”

The greatest thing we can do for our faith is to let go of our self-righteousness, to make ourselves worse.  The Apostle Paul resolved to let go of his efforts to impress God: “Not having a righteousness of my own” (Philippians 3:9).

I was sitting by the bed of a man who was dying and we were talking about heaven.  I asked him why God would ever welcome anyone into heaven.  The man replied, “If a person does enough good things, then God will let him in.”  Can you see how we carry this desire to impress even to our deathbeds?  Even during our last hours, we’re still trying to impress God.  But that’s not the message of the Bible.  The message of the Bible is that we must let go of our righteousness, we must drop our good deeds, we must crucify all of our efforts earn God’s favor.

How do we gain acceptance?  The Apostle Paul tells us in the next part of the verse, “Not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Jesus Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith” (Philippians 3:9).  We cannot hoist to heaven our own righteousness; heaven has already lowered down alien righteousness for us to depend upon.  God gave us the righteousness of Jesus Christ to save us, so that we do not have to generate our own.  Our righteousness does not come from our efforts to impress (from the law), but from God.  Because he loves us, he gave us pure, final, and acceptable righteousness.

Make it your resolution to depend on the perfection (righteousness) given to you by God through Jesus Christ, rather than trying to manufacture your own this year.  Stop trying to impress everyone and—for heaven’s sake—get worse.

© Samuel Kee, 2013

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You Won’t Abandon Me Now (Original Song and Video)

samuel kee —  November 13, 2012 — 1 Comment

My friend Robbie Kellogg and I wrote this song.  The Scriptures that inspired the song are Romans 8:28 and Isaiah 43:2.  It’s played here with a full band for the first time.  Robbie Kellogg, electric guitar and vocals; Lydia Kellogg, keyboard and vocals; Angela Pereira, vocals; Josh Victor, bass guitar; and Phil Titean on drums.  The venue is the Student Ministry of North Suburban Church.  Many thanks to Claude Budlin for making this video.

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What should I look for in a woman?

samuel kee —  September 4, 2012 — 1 Comment

Now that I’ve written about what a godly man looks like, it’s only fair that I discuss godly women.  But I’m going to do it slightly differently.  Because I am not a woman, I am not going to write as much on what a godly woman looks like, as I was able to do for the guys.  However, I will do it indirectly, under the guise of “What to look for in a woman.”  Right off, as I think about the various females in Scripture, I realize that there are some absolute female studs in its pages.  These women are tough, faithful, and wise.  Rarely do you find a female in Scripture who’s a pushover.  This reality has helped me to see these three things to look for in a woman: someone who doesn’t need you; someone who doesn’t feed you; and someone who completes you.

First, look for someone who doesn’t need you.  I picture the day that Isaac met Rebekah, as told in Genesis 24.  She drew water up from the well and gave him a drink; but then she drew water for all of his camels!  Do you know how much just one, hot and thirsty camel can drink after a long journey?  I’m pretty sure that Rebekah could take care of herself (and Isaac!).  Taken as a metaphor, she needs to be the kind of gal who doesn’t need a man in her life.  She doesn’t need a man to validate her beauty, for instance, or her worth.  I’ve seen that much of the time, women seek the approval of men so much, that they are practically paralyzed without them.  I’ve seen very needy women, who think they need a man in order to be someone special.

The godly woman is able to get her own water, and even provide it for the man, when called to do so.  And I don’t just mean literal water, now.  She is capable, resourceful, and prudent.  It’s clear that she doesn’t need a man to give her a sense of worth.  She exudes inner beauty and strength and capability.

Second, look for someone who doesn’t feed you.  Men try so hard to get attention from women, especially from those they’re attracted to.  But the godly woman won’t feed this sort of pride.  She’s not impressed—well, at least she won’t admit it.  She doesn’t pour gas on his fire.  Why?  In order to help the man get his sense of strength and identity from God alone.  As discussed in the previous question, men often look for women to give them their sense of strength, but that is not true strength.  True strength happens when no one is watching and we dig deeply into God for it.  A godly woman doesn’t feed her man false strength, which actually intensifies weakness.  She encourages him to root his masculinity in God alone, what he can accomplish with Him.

She also doesn’t feed his lusts and desires, which are outside of God’s will.  The same is true for men, but this is especially easy for women to do.  It’s easy for a woman to “push the right buttons” in men for moral failure.  This includes things like dress, speech, and overall sexuality.  The godly woman refuses to feed a man’s voracious desires in this area.  She knows how difficult it is for a man to remain pure, and she doesn’t want to “help” him fail.  This goes along with my previous point that she doesn’t need him, any way.  Some women actually “need” a man to lust over her, so that she can feel a sense of worth.  But, again, a godly woman does not need a man to provide this, nor does she feed his immoral desires.

Third, look for someone who completes you.  When two people get married, God says that they become “one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).  When two things become one, they complete each other.  At this point, I’m not going to tell you to look for a woman who provides the qualities that you lack.  Coming at it from that way could actually be quite disastrous, both for the man and the woman!  It’s dangerous to “make up” for our deficiencies with the other person in a relationship. Why?  Because it’s easier to make excuses for poor or sloppy behavior on our part, blaming it on how God made us.  So, hear me now, you can’t look for someone who makes up for your deficiencies.  That’s not what I’m saying.

What am I saying, then?  You will never know how she completes you until you commit to her, for better or worse, in sickness and health, for richer or poorer, until death parts you.  Not until you commit to her, heart and soul, will you see the mystery of marriage unfold.  So don’t look for someone who makes up for your lack; rather, commit to someone, trusting that she has what you need.  In other words, trust that what she brings into the relationship and who she is, is exactly what you need.  Don’t shrug her off, make her think that her view is unnecessary, tell her that her thoughts or needs are useless.  No!  You need her; she completes you and possesses what you’re missing.

Guys, you will not find what you need by going from woman to woman, but by committing to just one godly woman.  Only then will you unlock her true beauty and discover some of the deepest joys in life.  She completes you and should not have to compete for you or your attention.

I know that this all seemed a little deep, but you wanted to know about women, right?

© Samuel Kee, 2012

In Relationships , , , , , , ,
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How to follow Jesus

samuel kee —  September 1, 2012 — Leave a comment

The 1997 movie Gattaca is about two brothers, one who is superior to the other, in every way.  The point of this sci-fi movie is to muse over the implications of genetic discrimination in the future.  One of the brothers, Vincent, is genetically inferior.  In fact, he has a heart defect.  His brother, Anton, is superior.  Growing up, they used to have a contest to see who could swim out farthest into the ocean, before turning back.  As you would expect, the genetically superior Anton always won.  However, after years of training, Vincent wants to swim against him one last time.  Vincent and Anton head out into the water, and, guess who wins?  This time, Vincent wins!

In utter disbelief, Anton shouts out, “Vincent! How are you doing this, Vincent? How have you done any of this? We have to go back!”  Vincent replies, “It’s too late for that, we’re closer to the other side.”  Anton says, “What other side? Do you want to drown us both?”  Then Vincent says, “You want to know how I did it? This is how I did it, Anton.  I never saved anything for the swim back.”

There are those in life who try to hold on and try to maintain control, even while taking great risks.  But there are others who have discovered a taste for the other side, something that is basically unreachable.  Yet they swim anyway.

When Jesus calls people to follow him, he doesn’t expect us to save any for the way back.  He is looking for those who are willing to place their hopes and dreams on the other shore, on the other side.  There is no such thing as a Christian who returns each night to the shore from which he left, just to go out again the next day.  That’s insanity.  Jesus wants to take you deeper than that, out where there’s nothing but longing.

Don’t save any for the way back; then you’ll actually be getting somewhere.

© Samuel Kee, 2012

In Finding Hope, Knowing God , , , , , ,
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It Feels So Good

samuel kee —  August 29, 2012 — 2 Comments

My friend looked at me with serious eyes, which was surprising for him.  He was never very serious.  He paused and said, “Sam, it feels so good to be wanted.”  He had just entered into a relationship, after years of being single.  We all can relate to my friend’s words.  It does feel good to be wanted.  I believe that God created each of us with a special seat in our lives, which I like to call “The Wanter Seat.”  It’s an empty chair in our souls that only God can fill.  We’ll do our best to get someone or something in that seat, not knowing that it was fashioned just for God.  Meaning: it will only fit Him.  Eventually, my friend’s new girlfriend will get out of the seat.  And he’ll try to find someone else to sit in it.  We’ll keep trying to fill it, until we realize that The Wanter Seat belongs to just one Person.  Until God enters our lives and makes himself at home, we’ll always feel empty, incomplete, unloved, and restless.

© Samuel Kee, 2012

In Knowing God, Relationships , , ,
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